This is for all the men who want to, but don't live like St. Joseph.

My story starts with meeting the love of my life in in High School and getting married shortly after I graduated. My wife and I are both Catholic, so were under the impression we would marry in a Catholic Church, but because we were so young, the priest denied us. So, we married in an Episcopal Church, and two years later married in the Catholic Church. We were blessed with three children, two sons and our daughter. We started as most very young couples with very little. My wife was a homemaker and homeschooled our children. I focused on my job and progressed through many promotions into higher and higher levels of management.

Due to my dedication to my job, it surpassed what we ever imagined. Thanks to my wife, we did attend Mass regularly, and unlike our upbringing, my wife saw to it we would know well our Catholic faith. We had a "good" marriage, but not a great marriage. From the outside looking in, it may have looked like a "great" marriage, but there were problems.

At the time, I wasn't sure what was going on, but could feel the frustration building in both of us. Looking back, I can now say that I was more focused on my own interest, especially my job advancements. I wasn't focused on my vocation of marriage, or my wife, and, of course, I didn't think she appreciated all that I was doing for our family. The reality looking back is I didn't appreciate all my wife was doing for our family and my selfishness only added burden to her already fully dedicated life. By now, you know where this is going, and yes, we did eventually decide to split up which did end in a divorce. I would guess most of you know many people who divorce, it is a very common part of society today. What you don't read or what people don't share is how much pain and hurtfulness occur to a family in a divorce. No matter the children's age, because ours were past the age of 18, children suffer the most, and then the grandchildren pick up the cross and suffer too. Additionally, we had a "perfect picture divorce." We spent birthdays, holidays, even vacations together. This doesn't change the suffering endured by the family due to divorce.

Father Chad asked me to write and share this story. While he understood the hurt I caused in not living my faith, he felt this story may help maybe one couple avoid the lifelong damage done to a family by a divorce. The hurt I caused to my wife and my children can never be fully healed. The precious moments I missed because I chose myself over my vocation, the vocation I promised to always remain faithful to through thick and thin, and to love my family and protect them, I failed! I wasn't strong enough as a man, a husband, as a father, and as a Catholic to fulfill my promises to my family and more importantly to God. As I said, my wife and I stayed close during those divorced years and after 10+ years apart, we found our way back and are now (re)married again. It wasn't an easy road for us, but again to the credit of my loving wife, and The Holy Spirit we did find a way back. In God's eyes we were still married during those years apart, and through much prayer, Mass, confession, and above all -- putting our selfishness aside and doing what was right for our family and what we promised our Lord, with that Grace, we got there. One priest reminded us, "To love one another is a choice; that's why Jesus commands it." (Love one another as I have loved you -John 15:12-13). The secular world tells us it's all about our happiness. I don't believe it is. It's all about our holiness, just like the Saints teach us.

I can honestly say there is not a day that goes by that I don't wish I would have done things differently; I wish I would have lived like St. Joseph. I wish I would have invested more time in my faith than I did in my job; I would have learned more of what a marriage vocation really means and the true joy of raising a family.

While we were divorced, our second-born son, who was 31 years old at the time was diagnosed with cancer. The type of cancer he had does have a very high rate of success for survival, so he started going through his treatments and was living pretty much a normal life. Well, it didn't go the way we had all hoped, and it was beginning to look like he may not be in the group that succeed with a cure. To our surprise, the traditional medical community suggested he get his affairs in order. Our son was married, and had two young children at the time, so you can imagine the fear he was living with.

My wife, who many years earlier went back to school and became an RN, decided to take things into her own hands and do her best to research more solutions. Through her research she found an alternative medical clinic, and a great Catholic physician who was willing to try to help. With the 24/7 care she provided, and God's Mercy, our son gained four more years of life. The Lord called him Home in January of 2021. I am so thankful to my wife and for the time we had with him over the last four years. It was truly a blessing.

Unfortunately, through my selfishness, and my decision to not live my vocation, I did miss many years of the precious moments with him and his family, with our daughter and her family, and with our oldest son and his family. The void in my heart for the time I missed with my wife and our children, and their families will never be filled. It is just gone. We do not know what life holds in store for us.

What I can say is that Family is a Gift from God; please don't take it for granted. Seek out your call to holiness, and love and protect your family through the good and bad times.

God Bless You!

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